This blog won’t be fancy or professional. I might be the only one who ever sees or reads it. It’s essentially my public journal of a study I’m doing, which is probably the first one I’ve done. My distracted brain doesn’t let me focus much and when I take on projects, I usually end up in that ADHD state of being paralyzed because I try to make it “too big”. Someone else will get that feeling, I’m sure.

Basically, this blog is a result of being overwhelmed and depressed. I mean if you’re paying attention and have a spiritual lens at all, things are different. It’s a sad world out there. It’s depressing. I have been feeling heavy, really heavy. The kind of weight that isn’t physical but spiritual. It holds you down in a way that makes you feel like you can’t fight. It impacts me both physically and spiritually. It feels like I’ve known it forever and even though I hate it, it’s so familiar that I hold onto it sometimes, most of the time. I don’t have the strength to even open my mouth to say, “Go away I hate you”. I’ve been holding it back and refusing to fight it but a few days ago, in between doom scrolling, I came across a quote on YouTube from Derek Prince. He was discussing Isaiah 61:3 (KJV).

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

Garment of praise? It stuck with me. I didn’t do anything about it in that moment, but it’s been on my mind. I would like to have it. I visualize it being a garment handed down from heaven, shining like a vampire in the twilight series but I know it’s much more than something beautiful.

Last night I was lying in bed talking to my husband, sharing some much-needed alone time, which was great, but my heart was still so heavy. In the most inappropriate moment possible the heaviness started to pour out of the corner of my eyes. Tears literally filled my ears and before I knew it, I was spilling all of my sadness and frustration filled words to my husband. He commented occasionally and mostly just held me and kissed my forehead. It’s not often I let myself be vulnerable. I have a terrible habit of trying to be strong for everyone. I always have. When my grandma passed when I was a young girl, I held my emotions in and comforted everyone and it wasn’t until I was alone in bed that night that I let myself cry. Anyway, in the midst of conversation I said, “I can’t imagine how Noah felt. All of that time trying to warn literally everyone and then essentially the entire world drowns around him with the exception of like 10 people!” My husband replied, “Maybe he had something else to occupy his heart and mind”. To which I responded, “Well, I wish the Lord would give me an ark to build so I could have something else to occupy my mind and heart!”

Then that still, small voice said, “The garment of praise just might be your ark for now.” It gave me peace. It made me excited. I honestly couldn’t wait to start studying. Last night I ordered a book of poems titled The Garments of Praise, and today I pulled out my dictionary, Cepher, KJV bible, concordance, searched YouTube videos, and took notes. I started on this blog before I studied at all and then my laptop died to which I took the hint from the Lord and studied before focusing on this part.

So, I’m learning as I write this. It might just be for me, but I know there are others out there who are burdened with the spirit of heaviness and I for one am ready to put on my garment of praise and focus on his goodness instead of the darkness that this world is seemingly engulfed in. That goodness is a light that can snuff out the darkness and that is my full intention.

Honestly, when I thought of this blog, I naively thought I would end up reading that verse and few others, watch a sermon and run out of things to write about or study. Are you laughing or shaking your head at me? There are so many cross-references in the concordance alone it may take as long to study this as it did to build the ark! I could ramble on but instead I’m going to study more tonight and, in the morning, gather my thoughts. I intend to blog daily about my study, as unorganized as it may be. Hopefully it can help others find their garments of praise as well.

~Amanda